21st Sunday Year B - Homily 3

 Homily 3 - 2015

The politicians seem to have moved on for the moment from their same-sex marriage debate – but the Church is still keeping marriage before our minds.  Today’s Second Reading from the Letter to the Ephesians is full on. As I was reading it again during the week and thinking it over, a few things crossed my mind. 

Over the past weeks people have sometimes spoken of traditional marriage. But what are they referring to? How traditional is traditional? Early Christian communities were diverse. Some had a preponderance of Jewish converts; some were almost exclusively former pagans. Both cultures had different views of marriage. In both groups, for example, while divorce was simply taken for granted, in the Jewish culture women could not divorce their husbands. It was Jesus who had called his listeners back to what he saw as the plan of God intended in the Book of Genesis. For both Jews and pagans at the time, children were the prime focus of marriage – though today’s reading from Ephesians makes no mention of children and focuses rather on the relationship between husband and wife. At the time, many Christians thought that the world would soon come to an end with the return of Christ, and so procreation of children seemed somewhat superfluous.

Initially, Paul had made much of the equality of all Christians as children of God and saw master/slave, Jew/pagan and male/female relationships as no longer hierarchically ordered. It was not long after his death, however, that former attitudes reasserted themselves. Today’s excerpt from Ephesians, despite an effort to bring wives into the picture, when it came to language, could not help itself from prioritising the male and the male’s place in the family unit.

What all three readings are clear about today, however, is that commitment is an essential constituent of love. As today’s First Reading indicated, right from Israel’s early history, Joshua clearly proclaimed his commitment to the Lord whom he loved. The leaders of the other Hebrew tribes determinedly joined with him. When Jesus came among us and spelt out the demands of discipleship, Peter, drawn by his love for him, beautifully proclaimed his commitment – despite his inability to understand him fully. And, though he did not use the word, the author of the Epistle to the Ephesians made clear that married love sacramentally united disciples in the very Body of Christ and so committed them to each other for life.

Commitment has fallen out of favour in recent years. Which is a pity. Commitment/faithfulness provides the necessary context for love to be stretched, safely, and so to grow. It is a requirement for genuine human/spiritual maturing; and it is so necessary for stable and fulfilling married life. Yet in married life it can be tricky – because marriage is a commitment to an intensely intimate relationship between two people, which makes its potential for true fulfilment, but also for damaging hurt, to be that much greater. The relationship can be entered into when one or both partners are relatively immature and less able really to commit themselves or even to assess wisely their compatibility. For the sake of personal survival or for the safety of the children, it may at times be necessary for the partners to separate. Yet that should be a last resort. With help, difficulties can often be faced and overcome – and the context that sustains the motivation to succeed is precisely the determination of both partners to commit themselves to each other and to their shared project. When there is no readiness to commit, failure is virtually inevitable.

Commitment can be learnt only on the job, it seems to me. And the learning begins best early in life. A supportive environment of maturely committed others helps the learning process; though, given the stressful nature of modern living, professional help may at times be necessary. It is not weakness to seek help, but a genuine sign of real maturity and growing commitment. Commitment and maturity are both necessary to attain a healthy level of true love and fulfilment – whatever our vocation or state in life.