Trinity Sunday - Homily 5

Homily 5 - 2020 

I seek dearly to relate to this “three-person” God present in my life. I spend time each day, trying to be alert to God’s presence. I sit down, try to empty my mind of my own thoughts, and simply be alert to God.

Usually within a few seconds of sitting down, either my mind, like a tree full of chattering monkeys, fills itself with a succession of distractions, or I fall asleep. I don’t want to — but it happens.

Eventually I notice what is happening. My spontaneous reaction is to feel disappointed, annoyed with myself, and angry. I feel a failure. I have come to realise that this is most important.

God reminds me that God has been quite alert to me, is always alert to me — all day, every day — and, what is more, is loving me no more and no less if I am alert or distracted or asleep. In fact, it is precisely by my failing miserably that God gets through to me that God’s love is totally unconditioned by me — is pure gift.

And then God seems to offer to help me love this failed me, this distracted, sleeping me, and even more, the hostile me that is disappointed and angry. God draws me into the river of love that flows between the three of them. In time, God even draws me into the flow of their love for other people, too, who are all failures in their own ways, even the ones whom I see as my enemies.

None of this helps my prayer to become more focussed. But I do notice over time that my thirst for God has grown stronger, and that I even seem to be more peaceful, even joyful.

What is your experience?